puasa???!!!

this year is somehow quite interesting..first year of fasting with babah in that condition..tahun ni first year anak-anak puasa..klaka juga tengok 2 orang tu...
abang dapat bertahan sampai satu hari even da petang tu nangis-nangis lapar..we were being a little bit cruel on him,,rasanya..sebab paksa dia bertahan...hahaha..whaetever it is anak..this is life..
adik memang tak dapat diselamatkan lagi la..si gemok ni memang degil skit..asik membebel je...'adik ni haus sangat ni..',,'haus..haus',..'adik minum skit je'..hmm sudahnya kul 4.30..allahummalakasumtu...hehehe
but sayang,mummy is so proud of you...bebel pun bebellah..achik tak de peduli...
achik da janji ngan uncle nak cari buluh tahun ni..tapi!! bukan meriam la. seumo idup achik tak pernah tengok rupa meriam buluh tu,,hahahaha
achik paksa uncle buat pelita dari buluh tu..da 2 tahun uncle janji achik..so tahun ni..since kita berdua memang ade kat umah abng...nak tak nak..buat juga..tau!!!
haih..aq pening kpala nak pikir pasal pekerja mase raya nanti..macam mana ni..juz tak nak buat silap..k ah kejap lagi baru pikir..hehe

lost

aq rasa sasau skit hri ni..semua sebab mang la ni...mimpi dia tu, buat dengan aq skali takbole nak fokus dengan kerja aq..mang sila bertanggungjawab..youre the person in charge now.realize it..kan da banyak kerja aq tak le nak buat..sebab tak le fokus! fokus tu penting mang!

tapi betul what mang..bile kite keep on violently being tortured or silently hurt, you know..the person tak tahu that we are hurt..kita akan mula jadi overprotective pada diri kita..memang betul apa yang ko buat tu mang..it will comes to the stage of where we have no interest in hearing or sharing our thought, problems or opinion with others..believe me mang..aq pun hampir da sampai ke situ..to the people that i love, it hard for m to say..'hey watch out..you are hurting me..' or ''i'm hurt'' or'i dont like it when you make me that way''..i always just terima everything and keep to the deepest side of my heart..so that it wont make me feels too frustrated of being treated that way..

bile hati da tak le tahan..tears are the best metod in symbolizing it..aq hnor prasaan aq dgn nagis..macam budak2 kan..haha
tapi itu hakikat..
entahla..maybe it will comes the day of when a savior will com n take me away..secara jujur..aq masih bersyukur dgn apa yang aq ada..mang, black n white is not something that u can classify it as safe..it is juast that youre torturing yorself by denying other excitement that life can brings you..

memang betul, bila kita protect diri kita macam tu, kita rasa kita strong enough to face anyting yang datang..ape org cakap..berduri, ranjau, onak liku???cuma satu.bile kite berhadapan dengannya, especially the trouble that caused us to live this way,, kita sedar,kita masih manusia yang tetap akan berasa lemah kerna masa silamnya..past is a weakness to human..i say yes

how far can i go

emmm.... da amat lama rupanya aq tak buat benda benda alah ni..hehehe..things have become more rusty and complicated..by august, i realized that i got to keep everything on track..a shall go in the first place, then b and c. not c first,d later and a the last one..
latest ni aq ade g meeting..hmm, aq skali lagi jadi macam org terencat yang di hantar ke kalangan cendekiawan...warggghhh aq tak tahu ape yang patut aq buat..aq tak tahu nak buat ape in the middle of para businessmen and businesswomen tu...i said that before that i hat such occasion but yet i was still be sent off..
dari start sampai akhir, aq memang nak jadi separuh gila..aq decided amik seat yang paling depan dan row yang kosong..yeah, alone is better when you know no one that might have the same thoughts as yours..tapi!!!!!
mana aq tau kekawan ayah aq yang degil dan kuat melawan tu nak duduk kat belakang aq..warghhh what a mistake!!!!
first target when i arrived there...'dont be sumbody that attract people attention..no silly mistakes or funny words shall be said today'...but those guys....warghhh semua impian aq jadi mimpi semalam...
aq tau by being a young lady stepping inside the hll itself da buat ramai yang pandang2..tapi aq bukan dealer..umama kata CL, tak bole kira sebab part time..huhu
apakan daya, encik2 tu bukan nak paham...huhu
aq rasa mulut aq da nak krem da..orang kat dpan citer pasal minyak itam enjin diesel yang baru..dia kat belakang sibuk berteka-teki optimus prime pakai minyak itam apa..bos kat depan sibuk cakap pasal mail hq antar suruh naikkan sale lagi..dia bole slamba jawab..'jgn riso bos..semua tempat dapat mail tu...'''adoi la..nangis kalau aq yang jadi rsm..haha
taklimat baru start dia da tak sesabar nak rehat..
however
aq rasa relax lepas g taklimat tu..sebab banyak gelak..macam klaka lak..aq tak sangka yang aq akan berada di tempat cenggitu skag..
tapi tu la aku masih menyimpan impian untuk terbang di awan biru
hahaha

A song to remember

I am thinking of you
In my sleepless solitude tonight
If it's wrong to love you
Then my heart just won't let me be right
'Cause I've drowned in you
And I won't pull through
Without you by my side

I'd give my all to have
Just one more night with you
I'd risk my life to feel
Your body next to mine
'cause I can't go on
Living in the memory of our song
I'd give my all for your love tonight

Baby can you feel me
Imagining I'm looking in your eyes
I can see you clearly
Vividly emblazoned in my mind
And yet you're so far
Like a distant star
I'm wishing on tonight
I'd give my all to have
Just one more night with you
I'd risk my life to feel
Your body next to mine
'Cause I can't go on
Living in the memory of our song
I'd give my all for your love tonight

temper

aq perasan yg skang aq da macam kembali kepada perangai dulu..aq susah nak control temper aq..dekat anak pun kadang2 aq tak le nak control..hah, aq tak suka..amat tak suka..lepas aq kuar skola, aq da berjaya control temper aq..kira macam nak tgk aq naik angin tu, tak de la mudah sangat..this habit reminds me of someone..there was somebody that used to face my anger..as i kept objecting every single thing yg dia berminat nak buat..

during this time, being at this kind of stage of life, easily snap wont makes me any good.. i know that very well..running a bussiness, emosion shouldnt go first..rasional is what i need the most..because of this temper, i lost somebody that i care..because of this temper, i was put into misery several times..but yet, i just cant leave it..

ummi is leaving for umrah very soon..anak is not in a very good shape.. he is having a very bad depession..extra sensitive..sometimes, i admit, even people said that i am a very patient auntie, i couldnt control my temper..aq akan mengamuk juga..ta pi tu lah, after a while, aq akan rasa sangat,amat menyangat bersalah..so anak achik, abang n anak 'mummy', adik..behave k..achik loves you both

bip..bip..tempoh bertenang

haaaa....da selesai kenduri mak de..da selesai gak kenduri my beloved aunt..skarang, kena kerja keras untk habiskan kerja2 tertunggak aq..huhu..memang macam nak gila..aq da save dlm pendrive draft lejer aq..but...i found that i lost my pendrive on the next day..warghh..it was sooo frustrating to realize that you have to start from the beginning..

yuyu is coming home..huhu..aq tak le classify..ni bad news ke good news..bagus sebab aq ada membe if aq kena ke mana2..bad news, sbb aq baru je nak masuk tempoh bertenang aq..da dia balik nak buat kacau,,

hari ni mak de cakap nak lansungkan nikah bulan 12 ni..huuu, gi mana ni..macam sedih lak nak lepas sorang kuar dari famili ni..lebih sedih, of course babah..if dia tak dapat nikahkan anak perempuannya itu..last wedding dia sebdiri nikahkan..memang ini kitaran hidup..

mase enggagement mak de, my sis nye 'kawan' datang..hahaha..aq siap da cakap da..hantaran langkah bendul rupa apa aq nak..hahaha..terkulat2 je dia dengar..well, aq memang jujur dan ikhlas bab ni..aq ni memang materialistik hahaha..

aq pelik la..aq dengar kat radio, org yg byk tido, badan dia naik..org kurang tido, bole kurus..tapi knape aq tak kurus2???KENAPA???!!!!asal aku naik timbang je, angka tu bertukar bukan main cepat..warghh aq mahu kan bentuk badan yg dulu..aq kena kurangkan 8kg untuk tu..tapi takat ni, nak kurangkan 100gram pun, macam jauuuhhh la sangat nak capai..

lately, ramai org yg salah sangka aq cina..aq memang pelik..habis2an..aq ni memang muke punye habis melayu..salesman tu bole bantai cakap cina..nak jawab, apa dia cakap pun aq tak tau..kesian lak dia cakap sensorang..semalam aq gado ngan mamak kedai runcit..aq memang geram tahap cipan..depan kedai ko tu, parking la..tanah kerajaan..bile pulak ko bayar permanent parking nak letak barang jualan kat situ..aq bayar parking tau tak..da la aq da 2 kali u-turn cari parking..bila dapat kena halau..da la tak tau nak cakap elok2..skit tak de budi bahasa..heeei geram betul..yang paling sakit hati, dia bole panggil aq amoi..eii tak tau beza ke..warna kulit aq je da tau aq ni melayu..

sunyi lak rasa..hmm ni yg aq tak gemar ni..it makes me sick..sick of missing those old good times that i love the most..

exhausted

kursus da berakhir..bila imbas balik..cis, sungguh tak guna..aq tertipu..kursus tu bukan wajib pun..huhu..ada la 8 kerat yg datang..arghh sakitnya hati!!!!!anyway, bagus gak gi..aq lebih motivated nak usahakan stesyen..ada hint sikit macam mana nak rolling duit..iaitu, jgn bekukan aset..
aq rasa kelakar sungguh..aq tak habis blaja n aq penah menafikan sekerasnya penglibatan aq dlm bidang ni, tapi ap dah jadi? 70% operasi stesyen skang aq da buat sendiri..tapi memang sakit..terkejar2..aq respect babah nye tekun..22 tahun dalam bidang ni..gila tau..petronas start ada stesyen dalam awal tahun 80an..babah kira antara the oldest dealer yg petronas ada..ye la..dia dapat perlantikan pun, wakil petronas datang cari kat rumah..huhu..
aq memang bz skang..rasa macam da tak cukup masa yg ada..dlm aku menaip ni, depan aq ada berlambak fail yg aq kena check n organize semula..mi god..mase g kursus, smua org da tanya bila nak buat dt..malangnya aku br 22..lagi 2 tahun br layak..tak pe..usaha dulu..dalam aku tengah tunggang terbalik ni..income tax lak dtg..hari2 kuar pasal tak nak beban rakyat, tapi hakikatnya, kerajaan macam nak peniaga kecil ni gulung tikar..penalti berganda2..dealer2 yg dtg kursus smua pertikai hal ni..hukumnya di sisi islam..ntahla..aq bukan org yg layak cakap pasal ni..tapi dealer2 tu memang sengal..smua da umo 30 ke atas..ade ke patut disekolahkannye aq yg terang2 single dan tak laku ni pasal mariage..knapa suami cri lain la..ohhhh ttiiidakkkkkkkkk!!!
anyway dia org smua tu best gak..even memang da tahap uncle kat aq..lebih2 lagi aq ni memang pandai bergaul2 dgn org berusia ni seperti 'dia'..hehe
kereta aq dapat isnin ni..hehehe..best, best..aq memang nak guna kereta tu selama yg boleh..aq takut nak buat hutang lagi..takut tak terbayar..ye la, aq ada komitmen lain lagi..so, if aq nak beli keta lagi, aku nak beli cash..tak de la pening in future..kereta ni pun babah nak bayar separuh..hutang 5 tahun, tapi babah suh habiskan dalam 2 thun stengah..thanx babah
esok nak kacau dodol..tradisi is sumting yg best tau if kita hayati..macam mak di nak nikah next wik, dis wik buat dodol, kumpul sanak saudara..rapatkan hubungan..aq suka..aq suka family relation yg kuat..sbb happening bila raya..adoi, raya..bila urus stesen, macam susah je nak buat huhu..tapi tak pe, aq kena gak bahagikan tanggungjawab sosial, diri, keluarga n friends..talking bout friends..mis them so much..i dont even have time to get enough rest, apatah lagi kawan2..but girls, bukan maksud that i dont care n love k
better get some sleep b4 babah bangun..hope tonight dia tak susah tido n asik jaga..kesian dia..seksa tunggu siang..aq muda lagi..bangun malam, tak cukup rehat aq kuat lagi..tapi bah, plz..tido..usaha untk tido..why must our liver gives us lots of difficulties?huhu